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I run a weekly virtual men's group. I believe men are often desperate for connection. And they may have more struggle than women in finding spaces where they can be heard, seen, hear others share, remember who they are, or find pieces of themselves from others sharing in the group. But often they are unaware of this need, or keep it hidden. If you ask a man in a normal conversation if he is lonely, if you ask him if he thirsts to be be known at the deepest level, you might ge

It can be so true, and so annoying when you tell yourself or others remind you to slow down. But why slow down? There are often important things for us to see, grapple with or realize that we are not able to at a faster pace. My use of the term "Faster pace" I am intending as a more general term for how fast and or distracted we are in our minds. Some examples of this might be: distracting with mindless scrolling on the phone, numbing with TV, the energy drink, that extra cof

Like all things worth having, our sexuality requires work. Hopefully it does not have to feel like labor all the time. Because talking about and being playful with your sexuality can be fun.  Its not always people’s favorite topic to bring up with their partner about sexuality and what they are comfortable with, not, what they’d like to experiment with etc. However knowing these things about your partner, then putting them into experiment (not really practice) with each other

Dr. John Gottman discusses the importance of repair, and repair attempts in relationships (link below). Repair and repair attempts (attempts at mending things between yourself and your partner during or after a conflict) are also vital to physical and sexual intimacy. The common phrase “make up sex” is related to this. I would argue that “make up sex” is a form of repair. It is a tool that can be very powerful, but also can be misused. It can be great when make up sex draws t

In a long term couple as with most things, a couples sexuality changes over time. There are multiple factors to consider as to having and maintaining a mutual sex life you both enjoy. One of them is the meaning of your sex or sexuality.  There are often unspoken messages (sometimes they are spoken too) communicated in a couples sexuality. Some positive examples may be: I am wanted, we are connected, I am ok, I am safe, we are secure together, I’m attractive to my partner. Som

All guys don’t necessarily call their struggles with getting an erection, “erectile dysfunction”. But regardless of what one calls it, for a man not being able to get an erection when he wants can be really difficult. It can impact your mood, self esteem, and your relationship with your partner. When I am working with a guy to understand what some of the contributors may be to struggles with having an erection, we will talk about his use of alcohol. Considering the potential

I once thought it’d be great if people never fought or argued. I believed that until I realized that we need those conflicts, confrontations, squabbles etc. to bring us closer to each other. This is in pretty much any kind of relationship. Obviously, what the conflict looks like would be different depending on the type of relationship.  Having it out with someone, letting them know where you stand and them letting you know where they stand is important to the longer term cour

It is sometimes assumed that if a person takes a PDE5 Inhibitor, they gain an instant erection. PDE5 inhibitors are medications that help support blood flow including to the penis, and therefore support with having an erection. However, there still needs to be stimulation and arousal to be able to have an erection. In other words, taking the medication alone is not sufficient to have an erection. So, no magic pill. But really that is good news. Because that means yourself and

Oh man, so frustrating when my son does that. Or, why does she have to talk back like that? Don’t they know how annoying it is when I’ve asked them 7 times already to do something, and they off doing something else as if I haven’t said a word? They’re just not listening. Yes frustrating. Yes annoying, aggravating. And, I would say, part of the joys of parenting.  I think as parents its normal to be overwhelmed, which- welcome to being a person. But also I think parents can ta

Just a brief reminder of the benefit to working towards accepting the things we cannot change. The serenity prayer holds a simple but powerful message regardless of one's faith position. What are you working on accepting today?

Often men are embarrassed to talk about sexual struggles, including pre-mature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation can cause strain in a couple. And often the more frustrated the couple becomes, the worse the problem. What is premature ejaculation? The American Urological Association describes premature ejaculation as “ Men who ejaculate before or shortly after penetration without a sense of control, and who experience distress…”. The important part of this is that it is causi

When I listen to a teen who has struggled with rage, impulsivity or both-one of the most important things for them to know is that they are understood. And that their feelings are valid, even if the behavior wasn’t. As a parent or someone who works with teens it can be easy to slip into a confrontational posture, and be incensed at what would appear to be an obvious and knowing manipulation tactic, blame, outburst, act of violence, deceit etc. on the part of the teen. Dependi

When we are hurt, at times we revert back to self protection. When we do this, it can come out in a way that is hurtful to others, and...

I sometimes feel as a therapist I am supposed to have all the answers. I've sat across from clients who've asked me "why did I do that?",...

Social acceptance, family acceptance, cultural acceptance. Here are three really important contexts to be accepted in that have an impact...

I have worked with teen males in therapy over the years. I really enjoy this work. In this bridge between childhood and adulthood there...

There are different arrangements, roles and responsibilities we create in our family and romantic relationships. There are many families...

Back to negative habits. Gosh darn. therapy isn’t working (FALSE!) Don’t get sucked into the common mistruth that therapy (and more...

So you don’t want to do the daily check ins with each other. Or communication exercises. Ok. And how is your communication and overall...