Premature Ejaculation
- restorecounselingAZ
- Oct 15
- 2 min read
Often men are embarrassed to talk about sexual struggles, including pre-mature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation can cause strain in a couple. And often the more frustrated the couple becomes, the worse the problem. What is premature ejaculation? The American Urological Association describes premature ejaculation as “ Men who ejaculate before or shortly after penetration without a sense of control, and who experience distress…”. The important part of this is that it is causing distress in one or both partners. So what to do?
Numbing agents (condoms, wipes, cream etc.) and SSRI’s (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) are often used to assist a man in prolonging the time to ejaculation. These tend to be effective depending on the man, and his sense of how important it is to be able to prolong sexual activity. However there are trade offs. While numbing agents and SSRI’s are effective, they come with things some men would rather avoid. In the case of numbing agents, some men complain that their sensitivity or ability to feel is reduced (which it is), and or that they’ve gotten the agent on their partner which also reduces their sensitivity. With SSRI’s some men would rather not take a pill if they don’t need to, especially if they may experience side effects. There are also behavioral interventions such as the start stop and the squeeze method, which can be helpful.
However when considering how to address premature ejaculation there are other factors that may be of influence. These may include: a man’s level of anxiety, his sense of security or lack thereof in the relationship and his belief about potential consequences to ejaculating too soon. Based on this, here are some other behavioral ideas that can be helpful to address premature ejaculation:
Having a mindfulness and/or meditation practice. When a man is more relaxed and less anxious, he may be able to go longer before ejaculating
Talk to your partner about the struggle. When you are both on the same page, there can be more of a team effort, which can reduce some of the anxiety and have you both working towards a solution
Be pleasure focused v. orgasm focused. Orgasm is often important to one or both people. However If there is an expectation of mutual enjoyment v. only focused on orgasm, it tends to lessen some of the tension towards performance
Explore sexually with each other. The more you expand your sexuality, the more work arounds and different ways you have to enjoy each other and have pleasure
Slow things down. The pacing is important. Have an agreement with your partner to at least try slowing things down at times
One last thought-often a numbing agent and or SSRI as well as a behavioral technique can be more effective than either one by itself.
Reference
American Urological Association
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