Making Make Up Sex, Work For You And Your Partner

Dr. John Gottman discusses the importance of repair, and repair attempts in relationships (link below). Repair and repair attempts (attempts at mending things between yourself and your partner during or after a conflict) are also vital to physical and sexual intimacy. The common phrase “make up sex” is related to this. I would argue that “make up sex” is a form of repair. It is a tool that can be very powerful, but also can be misused. It can be great when make up sex draws the individuals in a couple closer again, and not only sexual but emotional intimacy is being shared. And as needed there are coinciding emotional repair attempts along with the physical. That is ideal. However when make up sex is only that- just the physical act that brings couples back together in a physical way, but their underlying issues that they are hurt or angry about are chronically not being addressed- that seems to be a less good use of the tool. 

Resource Dr. John Gotman video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqPvgDYmJnY