The Only Way Out Is Through

Paying attention to our body sensation and feeling is important for a number of reasons. Its through our feelings that we most vividly experience life. When life gets painful though, its normal for us to find ways of shutting out the pain. Sometimes with chronic emotionally painful experiences, or one very hurtful one- we find ourselves in a pattern of finding multiple ways of escaping our feelings. And often we can be successful in at least temporarily numbing or flattening or emotional experience. So that the pain is not reaching us as much. Or at least we tell ourselves that. There is also a pain in numbness as well.

Kind of a trade off we make, often that we are not aware of. And unfortunately we can’t just eliminate pain. When we numb in different ways, we shrink our whole experience of feeling. And sometimes this is a smart and necessary survival technique. But when we are out of the threat situation, and ready to heal- feeling is going to be a vital part of what helps us.

Our feelings are often related to relationships, and our attachment to loved ones and family. Paying attention to how we feel in the moment can bring insight into how we are feeling about our different relationships. How secure or not we feel. And especially when we are talking about a relationship, as when we are in therapy.Paying attention in the moment as to what the feeling is tends to shed light on how close or distant we feel to that person(s). But also other things such as the history of feeling seen/supported, the ability to repair after rupture, their accessibility to us when we need them etc.

Many if not most of us, don’t really like to be in our feelings. And yet our feelings are our pathways to our deepest desires, hurts, joys, goals and ambition. And often we miss big ideas and meanings in our lives (including about our relationships to self and other) when we are pushing down feelings. So spending more time noticing what the feeling is, and how it may be instructing us can be useful. Sometimes its good just to be in the feeling, and not rush to what the meaning may be. Because it tends to reveal itself when its ready, if we can tolerate being in our internal world for short periods at at time.