One Black Male Therapist’s Thoughts On Being A Black Male Therapist

I’m fairly sure someone called me a unicorn one time. One of those comments that kinda feels like “thanks! I think…”. And I am sure there are other folks out there who identify as male, black and a therapist. I just don’t know any real well (searching Psychology Today doesn’t count as knowing them, right?). And however many of us there are out there, the monolith idea thing- we can do away with that right now. This is only my experience. I can’t speak for others.  

When people ask me why I became a therapist, I think- yeah, why did I become a therapist? So the answer lies in a mind of a 17 year old who felt he did not fit in, felt kinda broken and different. I feel pretty confident many other therapists would answer this question similarly. Or, at least it wouldn’t usually be-“well I knew I had my life together and felt great about myself after having discovered all there was to know about me”. I think most folks start their careers in therapy at least in part, as a me-search thing. And for sure, I wasn’t motivated to become a therapist because I saw so many other black men doing that.  

So anyhow, some years later a bachelors degree was conferred. Then a solid 8 or so years of indecision and false starts. Then the Counseling Theories text book was sold to me for $100. I took the masters level class the next time it came around. And Wa-la, instant therapist. Thats sort of how it went anyhow.

As far as why, I think I became a therapist because it felt right. I was so intrigued when I read that Counseling Theories book. Something woke up within me. I knew I wanted to help people in deep and meaningful ways. I think thats what I was thinking even at 17. But I’ll fast forward a bit here to the more current times, and some of my thinking and experiences in my therapy practice. 

Therapy is a western set of ideas. Ideas created by men I am pretty sure, who did not look like I do. I identify as a black man. I am one of many of the variations of people living in the United States with African ancestry, who identifies this way. I say it like that because it matters, and it doesn’t matter at the same time. 

I don’t offer black counseling, or African American Counseling. Because I have my experiences as a black man, I may have had some similar experiences as clients who identify as being of color, black, African American etc. But at the end of the day, I am a black man who has chosen to be a therapist (which people don’t always expect!). My aim is to offer the best of my ability, knowledge and expertise, and opportunities for people to be able to grow, evolve, heal, love theirselves more, change, be better in relationships, more self reflective, calmer, more vocal, closer with their kids, more self assured etc. And beyond that if there is something about my identity, appearance etc. that offers the client something, I am all for it. 

I have found over the years that how I look can represent something to people (including people of color). Who or what that is varies from person to person. I have been with clients as they have worked out and through their concerns of being biased or racist. I have been with people of color who share experiences I can relate to. I have worked with people of color who share experiences I have not been through. For some I represent the counter culture that the client identifies with. Maybe what their parents would not prefer or have chosen first. For others the parents choose me for their kids- not because of my racial identity I don’t think. But more because they believed I looked like a younger man. And maybe, they reason- Little Johnny will relate more to me.

And, sometimes thats true. I do relate to who some clients identify as, or experiences they have been through more than the other therapist they saw before. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. All this is fine. But its more meaningful to me when I get a referral from someone, and its because of a really solid experience someone had with me in therapy. Maybe the way I look brought someone into my office. Or maybe the way I look had them hesitate to come in. But if they were able to gain something significant from our time together, thats what matters more to me as a professional.  

Over time in the therapy room (and in life), I continue to see that who a person is really exists more on their inside, than the outside. That for sure the way we look has a significant bearing on how we navigate life, our opportunities, access to resources, the level of damaging experiences we are likely exposed to or not, the way that we are seen, understood or not, interacted with etc. And yet what the person does with these experiences, how they filter them; how they respond to how they have been related to, what they have been through, what they understand to be true about life and about people- I believe is what makes the person. And by looking at someone’s physical body you do get clues about them. But you don’t really know fully who that person is until you spend time with them and see what they are like. How they move. What they know and don’t. How they respond both to you, and the things that life has dealt them. How they have responded to situations they had no control of. How they responded to environments they put theirselves in.  

I found that when we are able to get past who we are supposed to be including based on how we look, and take the time to know ourselves  and others- thats when progress can happen. Thats when trust begins to be built. And thats when therapy is more effective.