My Child Won’t Listen! But It Might Be A Parenting Issue

Oh man, so frustrating when my son does that. Or, why does she have to talk back like that? Don’t they know how annoying it is when I’ve asked them 7 times already to do something, and they're off doing something else as if I haven’t said a word? They’re just not listening. Yes frustrating. Yes annoying, aggravating. And, I would say, part of the joys of parenting. 

I think as parents its normal to be overwhelmed. But also I think parents can take things personally with their kids, as if their kids are doing these behaviors to them. Sometimes a kido is doing something by design to get a parent upset. But largely they are being them. And really doing what they are supposed to do which is being a child. Figuring things out. Testing limits. Trying out new behaviors (which parents sometimes like to call lying and manipulation:).

I’m not saying don’t get frustrated. But I am saying at the end of the day, its likely a parenting issue. Its perfectly ok for parents to get upset, be disappointed, be sad, to feel however you feel. But ultimately the love you show your child (first and foremost!), the environment you create (including community, mentors, family etc.), the precedents you set with your child, and your responses to them are really what you have to influence them. Which ends up being a lot of influence. But we don’t control them, nor should we. 

They are their own little people. Its not the parents job to determine their child’s fate, where they will go at all times, determine who they will be in life etc. But it is our job to protect them, guide them, love them, hold them as long as they let us, cheer them on and support their interests, set boundaries to keep them safe, learn who they are with, and hopefully marvel at their beautiful development based on them learning how to make good decisions over time. And learning to make good decisions over time is almost always born of some struggle, including parental struggle! And when you're in the parental struggle and your child is still doing whatever she wants for the 8th time after you’ve asked her to do something different, it's good at least to know what our role is and is not as a parent.